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Letter to the Editor: Only in America

January 13, 2017
Joyce Wiese - Toledo, Iowa , Dysart Reporter

Dear Editor,

Since my retirement from chairing the Tama County Museum I have been going through all the things I have found and researched. Here is one of them.


1. Only in America..can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America..are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

5. Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Ever wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word? Why doctors call what they do "practice"? Why to stop Windows 98 you have to click on 'start'? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'broker'? Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called 'the rush hour'? Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injection? Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Joyce Wiese

Toledo, Iowa



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